I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
