Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
