Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
