He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
