two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
