YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
