so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
