Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
kristin has been a bad kristin
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
