I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
