yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
