No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize