Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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