Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
