I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
