who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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