ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize