I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
