We're facebook friends in real life
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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