I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
