I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
