I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize