i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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