one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
