Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
