I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
