used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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