this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize