I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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