like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
