this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
