When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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