You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
