Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she peed on how many people?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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