No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
