Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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