it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize