it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
