I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
