dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
