do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
