Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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