She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
