i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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