so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
