smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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