we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
