i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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