just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everyone says I win the strip club
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
