How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
