this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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