Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
