Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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