Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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