bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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