Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
