isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
