you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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