How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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