you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love having hate sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize