Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
