i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize