first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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