I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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