so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
