You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
